Married Men

(I don't really have time to blog right now, or ever for that matter. I should probably take a nap. But I'm blogging anyways. Gotta remember what happens in college when I grow up right? haha)

Tanner has been out for just over 2 months now and I figure it's time I start getting to know people, making friends and going on dates. I don't plan on just sitting around 'waiting' for two years - there's too much fun, too many experiences to be had (I will be here when he gets back though - no question about that. He's much too incredible to let slip through my fingers). Anyways... so a couple weeks ago I came to the realization that I hadn't been asked on any dates since I started school - actually I hadn't even exchanged dialog with any boys for that matter. I figured it was up to me to get things rolling. Boys. Sigh. I decided to start small, just take inventory of the boys I saw and then decide what to do. haha that sounds terrible... Here's how it went.

I looked around, saw a fairly good looking guy get onto the shuttle and I tried to make eye contact, then maybe I could sneak in a cute smile...(haha why did I try to give hints? Boys and hints do not work.) Turns out he was married, caught a glimpse of his ring. Moving on. This exact same things happened 5 more times. All married. Are all the cute guys at Weber married?? I guess I shouldn't be too upset, I'll be putting other girls through this exact same things in 2 years when they're looking at Tanner but he's married to me! Woot!

The most recent married man I met almost made me laugh out loud. I was walking on campus when I passed this boy, Jeff, whom I recognized from one of my classes. I gave a friendly smile and kept walking when he stopped and said he recognized me but wasn't sure how. I explained that we had class together on Tuesdays and Thursdays (haha I felt like one of those nerds that sits in the back of the class and knows everyone but nobody knows them... I didn't think I was that quite...) anyways, the conversation continued and he was really nice and seemed to be enjoying the conversation, as was I. I glanced down, no ring. Check. However the next thing I knew he was talking about his wife and how they're expecting their first child. I almost laughed but luckily it just came out as a big smile and I congratulated him. We talked for a minute more and then I headed to class. 0 for 6.

haha I think I'll just give up and hope there are some brave enough boys out there to ask me on a date. Am I attracted to married men?? hahaha. Oh you gotta love it!

Are you kidding me??

Today is September 27th - the day Tanner flies out of the MTC and heads to Canada. I had been looking forward to today since the day he left because I knew I would get to talk to him on the phone. I've tried not to think about it too much - I hate the idea of "waiting" for something better. I think we should just live in the moment and be grateful for each day. I'd say I've done a pretty good job considering. My roommate Kaitlin also has a missionary out whose mission president won't let him talk to Kaitlin at all when he calls home for Christmas and Mother's day (he doesn't even want her at Jordan's home with his family when he calls. Lame.) With knowing this, I knew this phone call today could be the last time I get to have an actual conversation with Tanner for the next 22 months. I don't know how Tanner's mission president will be, but I've been preparing for the worst. However, I was ecstatic about today.

When Tanner's flight plans came in last week they stated that he had to arrive at the airport at 4am and their plane was departing at 7. Therefore we planned for him to call me first thing in the morning - giving us a good hour or so to talk. I woke up at 5:30 (no alarm - I was just to excited) and laid in bed watching the minutes pass by, checking my phone every couple of minutes to make sure it was on, the volume was up, and that I hadn't missed anything. Around 6:15 I was getting pretty nervous... 6:30 still nothing... 6:41 my phone finally rings.

Here's how the conversation went:
"Tanner??" "Hey Kyra! How are you doing?" "I'm good! How are you?" "I'm good, hey... so our flight plans got messed up, someone at the church office building forgot to buy the tickets, so I've spent the last hour trying to figure out. Our plane boards in 20 minutes though so I can't talk, I just called to tell you I love you" "Oh... well that's okay (trying to sound like it was okay). I love you too Tanner" "Alright, well I'll try to call you later. Bye". And I sat there stunned. For real? That's it?? I climbed out of bed and left for class feeling like dirt.

When I got home at 10ish Kaitlin was awake and asked me how it went this morning, and of course I broke down crying. I love Kaitlin, she is sooo supportive. She talked with me for a bit, then left and I climbed in the shower. When I got out I was putting some stuff in my backpack when my phone rang. The caller ID said Illinois. What? Originally Tanner's layover was suppose to be in Detroit, Michigan from 12 to 2...? Sure enough it was him! Apparently all 12 missionaries were able to get on a completely different flight that had a one hour layover in Illinois and then headed to Canada. I was ecstatic to have him call again!! It was sooo incredible to hear his voice! He left me some recordings of him before he left but it's just not the same. Half way through our conversation the call was disconnected but luckily he called back apologizing for the bad pay phone.We talked for about 15 minutes total when the call was dropped again. I figured he would just call right back so I didn't worry too much, however my phone never rang again. I left for class feeling completely empty. Like I had been left hanging, waiting for something that didn't come. (Kaitlin told me that that first call is super hard because it leaves you bummed the rest of the day, and Tanner had even heard that and offered to just write me an extra letter but I was willing to take the chance).

Ya, I'm definitely bummed today. I've spent the last hour and a half sitting on the couch watching the videos he left me with tear filled eyes...(the videos definitely helped though). I'm such a baby sometimes. It was worth it to talk to him though. To hear his voice again was absolutely wonderful. To have a little bit of a conversation was fantastic. I just wish I could have left him with some encouraging words... at least an, I love you. *sigh* I guess I just have to be grateful for the little bit I did get. And Tanner did mention that he put a package in the mail for me last week so I should be getting that in about a half hour :) That will make everything better on my side :) I hope he knows how much I love and pray for him....

The Lord's Hand

Quotes from letters to Tanner
"I had an incredible experience last Sunday. The first of the week went very well. I was happier than I've been since you left and I even enjoyed work. Thinking about you just made me happy. Then starting Wednesday everything got harder. The next few days were long, I missed you terribly. Sunday was hard and I was holding back tears during sacrament. I pulled out my scriptures and realized that I hadn't been reading the last few days of the week. My itouch had died and I didn't want to get out of bed to get my actual scriptures, so I would just go to bed without reading or saying my prayers. Anyways, I couldn't remember where I was, so I guessed that I was in Alma 36. I starting reading and in verse 3 it says "...I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions and shall be lifted up at the last day." All of the sudden it just hit me. The Lord really has been strengthening me. I didn't know that He had been giving me so much strength to endure these last few weeks. Now I know how much I really do need the Lord in my life..."

I had another amazing experience of witnessing the Lord's hand in my life but it's written down in a letter to Tanner, not through dearelder.com so I can't just copy-paste it in here. I'll just have to wait till he gets home to read it again.

Life is CRAZY!

Oh my goodness! This last month has just been crazy! For one, it flew by! Everyone told me the first 6 months of having a missionary out was the worst part, but if the rest of the 22 and 1/2 months go like this last one, I have nothing to worry about! At the same time though, there were certainly really difficult days... I loving having roommates that know exactly how I feel and are here to support me. Kaitlin's missionary has been out for a year this week! And Alli's missionary gets home in like 2 and 1/2... but.... she found someone else after her missionary 'dear Jane'd' her... sad. I decided I should just post my letters to Tanner on my blog since that's basically what's been going on in my life. Maybe I'll start doing that.

I've moved into my new apartment! I live in Ogden with 3 beautiful girls, Kaitlin, Alli, and Julianne (one of which has brought to my attention the struggles of having a roommate...I don't know if it's safe to complain about such things on my blog though, for fear of her finding out, even though my blog is locked. I guess we'll just see how long I can stand it). Anyways! Here are some pictures!

The family room :) Against the right wall there is now a big brown leather couch and the smaller chair is closer to the door. The small shelves are just moved over. Isn't it sooo cute?? It doesn't look like a college apartement at all! (And yes, we had to provide all the furniture)

This is the entertainment center you can't see in the other picture. I wish I could claim all the decorations as my own, but alas, there are all Alli's. She's going to be a great homemaker.

Again, all the decorations belong to Alli. Except the vase on the bookshelf! Mine!

To the right of the family room we have the kitchen... don't remember why I didn't take a picture, and south of that is the den. (they are kind of in the shape of a 7) This is just one corner of the den where I put my desk and shelves. Kiddycorner there is a wood burning fireplace, and directly across from my desk are sliding glass doors to the porch.

Julianne and I share this room. Notice the green curtains :) Our room coordinates!

This is my side of the room :)

Just a close up on my favorite pictures :) Tanner printed these off for me before he left.

I LOVE living in this apartment with my roommates! So far it has been great! (except for the issues with she who must not be named). School is going great! I absolutely love every single one of my interior design classes. There is a lot of work involved, a lot of projects and a lot of waking up early, but it's incredible! College life is great and I'm loving every minute :)

Playing with Girlies

The weekend before school started I was able to get together with a bunch of girls from high school before we all headed our separate ways back to school. It was great to see them all again! The girl on the left in the yellow is my roommate Alli - love her!

Living for Letters

Tanner has been gone for a week... He left for the MTC last Wednesday. On tuesday I stopped by his house after work and I was able to say goodbye. We were able to go on a long walk and just chat and hold each other, but the end came too soon. I don't think there is really a way to prepare yourself to lose what feels like your second half, but it's something I had to endure. However, I wouldn't have it any other way. I want nothing more than for Tanner to serve a mission, it's just so hard to be so close to someone and then see them leave for two years. I admire Tanner so much for his strength in being able to leave though. The one thing that's holding me back from considering a mission is that it would increase two years of not seeing Tanner, to three and I don't know that I'm strong enough to do that. Yet Tanner was willing to put everything on hold, having faith that the Lord would bless him for his sacrifices.

This week has probably been one of the hardest weeks of my life. I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard, especially in the mornings when I wake up knowing it's another day that I have to endure. I think things will get easier once school gets started and I have a lot to keep me busy. For now I'll just be living for letters, doing my best not to think about the 2 years, 24 months, 103 weeks, or 17,000 hours left. Sigh...

Called to Serve?

Tanner got ordained an Elder today and I'm SO excited for him. He is the most amazing example to me and I've learned so much from him. I know that when he goes on his mission he will touch so many lives and have an incredible experience, and I hope that I will be able to have the same opportunity...I've been attending missionary prep classes every Sunday night for almost a year. I started going not because I was determined to go on a mission, but because I love the opportunity to learn more, especially about the gospel. And when I found out that Bother Lindon McKay was teaching it, I was even more exciting. Every time I go, I find I have more conviction to change who I am and become a better person; to work harder at reading my scriptures, to try and remember to say my prayers, to thank the Lord more often....

I have learned SO much from Brother McKay as he picks apart the New Testament, in the 15 mintues of class he calls "Footsteps in the Life of Christ." I've read the New Testament before, but I've never learned and understood quite as much as I do when he teaches. It has been the most amazing experience to watch the young men in that class go from being too timid to offer a pray, to sitting across from Brother McKay, pretending to convert him through their testimonies and knowlege of the scriptures.

Over the past few months I have often contemplated going on a mission, but I've never really known if it's something I should do. My patriarchical blessing says that I will have the opportunity of going on a mission with my husband someday, but I don't know what that means for me in the next few years...

Then today in sacrament I had an amazing eye-opening experience. Sister Tara Caldwell returned home from her mission and spoke today. As I listened to her, I couldn't help but notice the joy that surrounded her. She seemed SO happy, and I know she loves the gospel. As she spoke about the experiences she had on her mission, I felt an incredible desire to serve a mission myself and I now know that it's something I'm going to aspire to do. I want so badly to have those same experiences; to share what I believe, to watch other people learn and grow, to serve - with all my heart, might, mind, and strength, and to feel the Spirit and gain a stronger testimony myself...