Today is September 27th - the day Tanner flies out of the MTC and heads to Canada. I had been looking forward to today since the day he left because I knew I would get to talk to him on the phone. I've tried not to think about it too much - I hate the idea of "waiting" for something better. I think we should just live in the moment and be grateful for each day. I'd say I've done a pretty good job considering. My roommate Kaitlin also has a missionary out whose mission president won't let him talk to Kaitlin at all when he calls home for Christmas and Mother's day (he doesn't even want her at Jordan's home with his family when he calls. Lame.) With knowing this, I knew this phone call today could be the last time I get to have an actual conversation with Tanner for the next 22 months. I don't know how Tanner's mission president will be, but I've been preparing for the worst. However, I was ecstatic about today.
When Tanner's flight plans came in last week they stated that he had to arrive at the airport at 4am and their plane was departing at 7. Therefore we planned for him to call me first thing in the morning - giving us a good hour or so to talk. I woke up at 5:30 (no alarm - I was just to excited) and laid in bed watching the minutes pass by, checking my phone every couple of minutes to make sure it was on, the volume was up, and that I hadn't missed anything. Around 6:15 I was getting pretty nervous... 6:30 still nothing... 6:41 my phone finally rings.
Here's how the conversation went:
"Tanner??" "Hey Kyra! How are you doing?" "I'm good! How are you?" "I'm good, hey... so our flight plans got messed up, someone at the church office building forgot to buy the tickets, so I've spent the last hour trying to figure out. Our plane boards in 20 minutes though so I can't talk, I just called to tell you I love you" "Oh... well that's okay (trying to sound like it was okay). I love you too Tanner" "Alright, well I'll try to call you later. Bye". And I sat there stunned. For real? That's it?? I climbed out of bed and left for class feeling like dirt.
When I got home at 10ish Kaitlin was awake and asked me how it went this morning, and of course I broke down crying. I love Kaitlin, she is sooo supportive. She talked with me for a bit, then left and I climbed in the shower. When I got out I was putting some stuff in my backpack when my phone rang. The caller ID said Illinois. What? Originally Tanner's layover was suppose to be in Detroit, Michigan from 12 to 2...? Sure enough it was him! Apparently all 12 missionaries were able to get on a completely different flight that had a one hour layover in Illinois and then headed to Canada. I was ecstatic to have him call again!! It was sooo incredible to hear his voice! He left me some recordings of him before he left but it's just not the same. Half way through our conversation the call was disconnected but luckily he called back apologizing for the bad pay phone.We talked for about 15 minutes total when the call was dropped again. I figured he would just call right back so I didn't worry too much, however my phone never rang again. I left for class feeling completely empty. Like I had been left hanging, waiting for something that didn't come. (Kaitlin told me that that first call is super hard because it leaves you bummed the rest of the day, and Tanner had even heard that and offered to just write me an extra letter but I was willing to take the chance).
Ya, I'm definitely bummed today. I've spent the last hour and a half sitting on the couch watching the videos he left me with tear filled eyes...(the videos definitely helped though). I'm such a baby sometimes. It was worth it to talk to him though. To hear his voice again was absolutely wonderful. To have a little bit of a conversation was fantastic. I just wish I could have left him with some encouraging words... at least an, I love you. *sigh* I guess I just have to be grateful for the little bit I did get. And Tanner did mention that he put a package in the mail for me last week so I should be getting that in about a half hour :) That will make everything better on my side :) I hope he knows how much I love and pray for him....
I'm so glad it worked out that you got to talk to him more than just that quick first conversation. I think even if you got to talk to him longer you would still have been bummed, like Kaitlin said. I know you think about him all the time and I'm sure that hearing his voice, while nice, was just a reminder that you couldn't just run over to his house and have him hold you. I never got to be at Chad's house when he called home on the holidays. I don't think it was a rule, we just never talked about it. But I remember wishing every Christmas and Mother's day that his parents would invite me over and I could hear his voice and hear him say my name, but I probably would have cried myself to sleep after that, just like I did the first couple of weeks he was gone.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty certain Tanner knows how much you love and pray for him. He was sooooo lucky to find a girl like you and I am sure he is terrified that you won't be around when he gets home.
I hope the next 22 months go by fast for you. Just have fun and it will. It will get easier. I promise.