This is what Jeremy tells me I need to successfully run a home - some Manthority. It cracks me up. Every time he says it, "manthority" sure has some man attitude behind it. Jeremy and my mom have been my saving graces this weekend. Stopping by to check on me. Giving me hugs. Bringing me a candy bar just because. Offering to come over and be the manthority that I need. Making me laugh. I sure love them.
I've been babysitting the Wood children all weekend while their parents are in San Francisco. I've been told by some mom's in the ward that these kids are probably the hardest. My own mom says to not be so hard on myself... but I just want to be a good mom figure. Yet being a mom, even after just a few days, is HARD WORK - mostly emotionally. It's not easy transitioning into the one in charge, the one responsible, and the one that's suppose to know and fix everything. I watched the same kids last year for a week and by Wednesday I was sitting on the floor crying and calling my own mother. I didn't even make it two days this time. I sat on the bench in sacrament and just cried. I couldn't stop. My mom even sat by me and the kids to help but I was overwhelmed. My mom's advice, "laugh about it". I've always thought I was a pretty positive person but I didn't even know how to find anything worth laughing about. I wasn't getting anything right.
Today has been better. A few things have definitely brought a little giggle. I've had a smile all day. Although I didn't have a man to add the manthority, I maned up and implemented some myself. TV privileges? Gone. No negotiating. Ignoring Kyra? Not any more. Did they hear about how I felt about them disrespecting their swimming teacher? Oh they sure did. Gently but very stern. I even let Britton know that his behavior was unacceptable for a boy about to receive the Priesthood. I'm still trying to decide if that was too harsh or not... but at the same time, if he's old enough to have the Priesthood he's old enough to understand the responsibility, right?
I absolutely don't believe it yelling at children unless absolutely necessary but I've learned that they need a little authoritative parenting to know who's in charge and who to respect. I've got that 'stern mom look' down pat. I've had a quote by Machiavelli running through my head all day - "Is it better to be feared or loved?" Now my question is, how do you teach kids that respect equals love?
Maybe I'm getting there. I guess I shouldn't expect to know how to parent after a few days, or ever for that matter. Maybe the fact that Marissa was comfortable enough to snuggle up in my arms and cry, or that Britton accidentally said "okay I love you" before running out to see friends means they do like me and respect me. I've asked my mom so many question this weekend and she just smiled and told me that even now she doesn't have all the answers.
**But one of the best part about today so far? Figuring out how to install a printer onto my computer and successfully printing something (all by myself I might add). I don't care if this is suppose to be an easy task, it was a very proud moment for me :)
It is hard being the one in charge. Somedays I don't want to be. Okay, actually at some point everyday, I don't want to be the one in charge. I cry, often. I swore I would never yell at my kids, but I do. :( I hate coming across as a mean person, but it's just part of the job of being a parent who sets boundaries and had high expectations of her children. Sometimes I think to myself, I don't like who I have become. But even at the end of hard days, I know my kids love me. They don't hold grudges against me for punishing them. (Someday they probably will.) They give me unsolicited hugs and kisses. They cry when I can't tuck them into bed because I am attending to Luke.
ReplyDeleteI often wish I had more patience. However, the other day I realized that I have a whole heck of a lot more patience than I did before I had kids. I just never have enough. :)
And also I was going to say that I think 'manthority' is important. Maybe not the way some people might think. The best thing Chad does for the boys is by being respectful and kind to me and then expecting that out of the boys. At times he spoils me and teaches the boys to do the same.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that times have changed a lot and that it is more commonplace for dads to be immensely involved in children's day to day care. Chad wipes bums, brushes teeth, helps with homework, reads night time stories, etc... He cooks us dinner every Wednesday night. And he does dishes and folds laundry. (although those things I have to remind him to do:) )
Crystal thank you so much for telling me that! You do an awesome job raising your kids and I'm so impressed. I also love the example that Chad sets. I'm so worried that I won't find the kind of husband that is willing to be a part of our kids day to day lives. My biggest fear about marriage is that I won't find a husband that will support and respect me in my callings, motherhood, and want to work for a celestial marriage wit me on a daily basis. But it looks like you've found that. You're family is such a example to me - even if you don't think they're perfect all the time ;)
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