The Passing of Time...

This is the very first picture Tanner and I had together. It was on the band trip - October 2008. We were getting our smiles ready for Disneyland. It's amazing how fast time passes...

Yet another picture of us at Disneyland. The group of friends we were with wanted to go on "Indiana Jones" more than once, but I wasn't a big fan of it, especially with my back. So Tanner politely offered to sit with me. We found a cute little shaded area and just chatted. It was great! He's such a gentleman :) At one point our group of friends wasn't willing to slow down, even thouhg I had an injured leg and a cane, so Tanner carried me a pretty long ways. I felt terrible, but he insisted. What an amazing boy. hmmm :)

Tanner and I went to the Halloween dance together. For our day activity we carved pumpkins - we carved a pumpkin into our pumpkin :) Creative eh? It was a way fun dance and I enjoyed being with Tanner. It was our first 'official date'....

Making Christmas cookies with the Holm's + flour fight = one excellent night. I loved seeing Tanner with his family. He has such love and patience, and he's going to make such a great dad one day....

I spent a lot of the Christmas break with Tanner and his family. It was great! His mom snapped this picture of us before we left to see a movie. It turned out to be a really nice picture. Tanner is super handsome...

Our Christmas date. (see 'Christmas Carriage' post in January) That was an amazing night. I can't believe it has been almost 6 months since then...

Fog and a late night makes for amazing pictures. (see 'Flurry of Fog' post in January). This was one of the best times I have had, and produced the most amazing pictures. Tanner wrote me a poem about this night for Valentine's and it is amazing. It's framed and sitting on my dresses so I can see it every day...

Our senior prom together at the state capitol. What a fantastic night. (refer to 'Once in a Lifetime' post in March/April) I will never forget the amazing time we had together. Tanner is such a gentleman, a great dancer, and extremely attractive in a tux...

I can't believe how fast the past 7 months have gone by. So many things have happened and so many things have changed. Tanner and I have grown so much closer. We have never gotten in an actual argument - of course we have had minor misunderstandings and slight disagreements, but hardly. How many people can say that? I have loved every minute I spend with him and wouldn't trade it for anything. I love learning from him and about him and feeling of his amazing spirit and testimony.

Soul mates? I think yes... :) :) :)

My Biggest Fear

I emailed my love a famous poem, "How do I Love Thee" because I was looking for a way to tell him how I felt - in a flirtation way, and not being very good with words, I assumed he would recognize the poem, appreciate my efforts, and no think much more of it. It turns out he hadn't heard it before, and wrote me this fabulous poem in response. It's amazing how much more I fall in love with him every day.

Beautiful prose, my dear love!
For your great talents thank God above,
So much love! I'm grateful to learn-
but now, my dear,
it's my turn.

When will I love thee? Let me fill you in.
I'll love you at the world's own end,

When the glass is half-full, or all the way empty,
I'll adore the little angel that the heavens lent me.

I'll be there, in your darkest hour,
white flag in hand, in the other a flower,
To hold you tight, and rub your shoulders-
I'll be here even when we're older.

We'll be together when wrinkles take over,
And rocking chairs make the best roller coaster.
Sweaters and sweat pants make the latest fashion,
There's nothing that can stop our youthful passion.

When you drop a glass, and it shatters completely,
I'll be there to help you clean it up neatly.
Sweeping and laughing, and a tad bit of teasing,
I admit that being around me won't be easy.

But I hope you'll stay with me, and stick around some,
Because, to be honest, you're the only one--
That I love like I do, and I'll prove it to you,
With each and every day,
That passes our way,

When will I love thee?

For all Eternity.

I feel too young to be able to think about marrying someone just yet, but then every day I spend with Tanner, I fall for him more and more. Am I too young to think that I may have found the one? Maybe. But maybe not. I've always told myself that I would never promise a boy I would wait for him while he was on his mission for two reasons: 1. I don't want to put my life on hold and miss out on things because I'm worry about 'my missionary' and 2. I want my future husband to focus on his mission entirely, serving the Lord with 'all his heart, might, mind, and strength" and not worry about 'the girl back home'. I didn't know that I would ever have to actually make this decision, let alone how hard it would be.

Right now I can say that I want to be around when he gets back, and with all of the things that I have planned for the next few years, I don't think it will be that hard (despite what everyone else thinks). Although I am afraid of making such an important decision now, my biggest fear is of what will change in the next few years; before, during, and mostly, after his mission. But I know now that it all boils down to this one simple point: I trust Tanner, and I trust his testimony in the gospel. He has shown me that he is much stronger than I first realized and I am entirely amazed at the wonderful young man that he is. I can't even explain how much I have come to admire, adore, and love him. In conclusion, I believe that everything will work out the way that it's suppose to.

A Nail and a Fencepost

A father told his son one day, that every time he lost his temper to go hammer a nail into the fencepost in the backyard. The son willingly agreed and after the first day, realized that he had hammered in 37 nails. Everyday the son tried harder to control his temper and the number of nails he hammered in became less and less.

Finally after many months, the boy went an entire day without hammering a single nail into the fencepost. Pleased with his accomplishment, he found his father and told him the good news. The father smiled and said "I'm proud of you, son. Now every day that you don't lose your temper, I want you to go and remove a nail from the fencepost." And this the son did.

Eventually, all of the nails had been removed. Again, the boy went to his father to share with him what he had done. The father smiled, placing his hand on his sons shoulder, he said, "I'm so proud of you. But I want to show you something." They walked out back together and stopped in front of the fencepost, now free of nails. The father pointed to the post and said, "Every nail that you hammered into this post left a hole that weakened it, and can never truely be fixed. Although you removed the nails, the holes still remain, the post still broken. I can't tell you how proud I am of you of your accomplishments, but I want you to remember that every time you lost your temper, it left a hole in someones heart that still needs mending."

Once in a Lifetime

I went to Prom with Tanner last Saturday and it was amazing! We went to the Old Spaghetti Factory in Trolley Square for dinner which was delicious. The capitol looked amazing. Since Tanner and I have both taken dance classes, we were able to actually dance for a lot of the songs. It was so wonderful! Tanner looked fantanstic in his tux; oh baby! And he is such a gentleman :) I loved every minute of it.

Strawberries and Prom

To ask me to prom, Tanner wrote this cute little poem and gave me these delicous strawberries!Girls are like berries,
Some of them are sweet.
Blackberries, raspberries and cherries,
But to you they can't compete.

You're the fabled berry,
The one that starts with straw.
But we musn't tarry!
No time to stand in awe.

I'd love to go to prom,
You and me, let's go!
So share these with your mom,
And quickly let me know!
They were so good! I certainly had help finishing them though. But my mom and I both got the chocolate covered ones! Yum! Now the trouble is figuring out how to answer him...

Cute Quotes from Tanner

My dearest friend, and my love, Tanner, is an amazing writer. I am astounded at the way he can put a simple sentence together and make it sound amazing. Although these aren't his most eloquent quotes, they are some of my favorites and bring a smile to my face every time I read them. Which is why I wanted to save them - so I can read them again and again to be reminded of the wonderful person that he is and how much he means to me. (plus, they're amazing self-esteem boosters)

-"If beauty were a race, you'd be in first place :)"-"Hi! I think you're real real pretty :) and I'm kind of madly in love with you :) and you smell nice"-"I secretly adore you and would never turn down an opportunity to see that stunning smile of your's."
-"I sure do like you a lot Kyra."
-"I sure adore you, my dear :)"-"I just cannot seem to word my extreme adoration for you, all I know is that it remains completely unparalleled to anything found within the bounds of reality :)"
-"Ah, you sure are my best friend ya know."
-"You, my friend, are awesome. 1. You're hot 2. You make everyone around you happier whether you yourself are happy 3. You've got a cute sense of humor 4. You make everything look good, even being lazy and being in pain looks good when you do it."

I was kind of going through a hard time with my back pain and leg injury, so I asked Tanner for some words of encouragment. I never expected what he was going to say to be so uplifting and wonderful. I fell in love with him even more when he said this. Here's his response:

-"My only problem is to find where to begin. Positive words are really all I can offer to a girl who is everything - I only wish to have the time it would take to tell you how truly incredible you are. In D and C it mentions the seeds cast amoung the rocks, that soon died away, except for you - you are the daisy that has bloomed despite all opposition. And what a shockingly beautiful daisy you are, a shining star and a guiding flag to those looking for something better, and someone to show them what 'better' looks like. I tell you, you are so desperately needed in the lives of those around you that you could not possibly comprehend your brilliant impact. Thanks Kyra, I was looking for an opportunity to tell you how amazing you are and I would be happy to do so anytime."

Ah! :) Tanner certainly knows how to make me feel better. He is absolutely amazing. For this next quote, Tanner must have been inspired to say it. He was at work and just randomly texted me, so I don't think he realized how much it meant. I was having another hard day; I was in a lot of pain, and I was trying to figure out how I was going to be able to deal with this for very long. Pain is exhausting, it's frustrating, and when you have to deal with it all the time, it's very discouraging. I was in my bed, praying for some help and strength to make it through this hard time, when I got this text from Tanner...

-"Kyra, I don't care if you leg doesn't heal for a while, and I don't care if your back always ails you, you're amazing, and I'm sticking with you thick and thin - whether you like it or not ;) I'll be there to help as much as I can."
I couldn't have asked for a better friend than Tanner.

Surge of Adrenaline....

Three hours a day, 4 days a weeks, sweat, tears, and exhaustion. Color guard is a three section syncopated dance performed with flags, sabers, and rifles on a football field to the sound of the marching band. That’s what I’ve done for the past three years of my life; it has been my life. Yet I loved every minute of it, until it was taken from me.

It starts clear back at the beginning of May. Color guard tryouts, and then parade season; my least favorite of all the seasons. Once those two grueling months of practice marching down long streets under the scorching sun are over, field show season starts. This one has the longest practices, the longest season, the most drastic weather changes, yet the most energy and excitement.

Band camp, Delta, Utah…need I say much more? I’ve never seen a more barren place than Delta, Utah; a vast expanse of…nothing. There isn’t a town for another forty-five minutes, and you can barely see the existence of mountains on the horizon to the east. We wake up at five for early morning practice until seven. It’s tough waking up so early to go spin a weapon, not only in the dark with a lone street lamp for light but frozen fingers making it nearly impossible to risk catching. Yet it’s worth it and although I didn’t realize it much then, I loved the experience of being outside as the sun rose from the east, caressing the land with its warmth and light. After early practice, we would go inside to eat breakfast and to shower until 8:30. After which, we head out to the field; a vast expanse, again, of nothing, maybe three football fields in size. There are trees along the perimeter, but that doesn’t do us much good as we stand in the middle of a football field. We spend hours learning sets and drill, having the Dr. Beat (the metronome) blast through our entire body all week until it seems to overpower the beat of our own hearts. Aside from the hour break for lunch and dinner, we are outside under the blistering sun running against the wind until the world becomes still and there is hardly enough light to see in front of us.

Then it’s on to music rehearsal. This is one of the best parts of band camp. The entire band somehow manages to fit into the cafeteria of the recreation center to practice playing the field show all together. Just imagine for a moment sitting in the middle of 250 band members as they play through the movements. The music completely engulfs you; you feel it in every fiber, every ounce of your body and the energy is overwhelming. It’s amazing! That right there, that feeling, that energy and power, that’s what I love. I’ve ask myself may times while at band camp and rehearsals why I’m doing this again, why I’m torturing myself by spending practically every hour of my life at color guard. But the answer is always right there in the music, in the show; it’s that energy that consumes my entire being while I’m out there on that football field, performing and showing the world what I do best. Our first performance of the year: September 27, 2008, Logan, Utah. It was going to be a good show. We had practiced long and hard and had the cuts and bruises to prove it. I hadn’t been feeling well that day, but I wasn’t going to let that interfere with my performance. It was just like every other show I had experienced since my sophomore year; we got our minds in focus, stretched, warmed up, and then waited for our turn to perform. Those last few moments of silence were spent running the show over in our minds to make every move perfect and that’s exactly what was going to happen. What happened next blindsided me like nothing I have ever before experienced. The show started and everything was going well. The first movement was great, no major mistakes. Then on to the second movement. Half way through and tragedy struck. I was running backwards, throwing a simple double, something I had done perfectly a million times, but then, I rolled my ankle. Pain shot through me like a bolt of lightning; I wanted to scream and collapse on the ground but I was in the middle of the field surrounded by 250 band members all going different directions, what could I do? I took the next few steps; they were practically unbearable. My eyes, blurred with tears and confusion, shot around in different directions as I looked for an escape route, yet there was none. I stumbled over the routine trying to get a grip on what was going on. It was clear to me that my only option was to continue. So I pulled myself back together, forced a smile through tear-filled eyes, and did just that – I continued.

The mind is a powerful thing and one can truly do anything when they put their mind to it. I finished the second movement and was bent down ready to pick up my rifle for the third movement when I felt a slight amount pain begin to grow in my ankle. But that was not going to stop me; I was finishing my show. The music began, and so did I. I kept my mind focused on my performance, and that power, along with the adrenaline surging through my body, allowed me to finish what was to be my last color guard performance.